


Guns and Good Times

by AndeliaMaddock



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Best Friends, Gun Kink, Gunplay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-19
Updated: 2012-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-31 10:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/343048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndeliaMaddock/pseuds/AndeliaMaddock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake wasn't entirely certain how he'd gotten to this point.</p>
<p>He certainly wasn't one to think too hard, but it really was something he needed to understand.</p>
<p>Well, perhaps it had been caused by all of the tension and suspense and heroics he'd engaged in with John against the monsters of the island. Surely John had been wooed by how bold and daring he was. Yes, that was most certainly the start of it. Guns had probably also contributed to this. After all, if John hadn't seen him using a gun so skillfully with the spider, he might not have wanted to learn more about guns.</p>
<p>But that still didn't really fully and completely explain how this had worked out how it had. One didn't get from point A to point Gay in two seconds flat! That simply wasn't how homosexuality worked, or so he'd assume. He hadn't really ever thought about it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guns and Good Times

John certainly was a peculiar sort! But it made for a ripsnorting good time being around him. Jake had no complaints about that, no. They had enough things in common that it was just quite dandy spending time with John!

“Jake! Is... is that a dragon?”

Jake glanced up. Why, yes, yes it was a dragon. Coming right towards them too.

He was a man who quite enjoyed fisticuffs and didn't mind dabbling in the danger for the sake of adventure. Jake was not a man to back down from most challenges.

Playing with a dragon was not on his list of challenges that he couldn't back down from. He grabbed John's arm and started to run down the slope of the hill they'd been climbing. More often than not, the dragons never pursued him very far after he got into the forest. They'd be safer there and much more likely to have a grand adventure without any pesky dragons eating them. It was for the best.

John tripping on the hillside and rolling down to the bottom was a less fortuitous occurrence in addition to all of the other less fortuitous occurrences such as, oh Jake didn't know, a dragon flying after them. But he didn't make a complaint about it (perhaps he cursed a tiny bit but this was a damn touchy situation and he was a man of action, not one of fussy words that limited him!) Jake just ran faster and when he reached the bottom he crouched, and tossed John right over his shoulder, then ran into the forest. There would be protection for them both there.

Apparently two potentially tasty humans was worth more fuss to the dragon than one normally was. The dragon pursued them.

The chase was on and Jake was carrying a lot more weight than he was used to. But he persevered! He wouldn't let some stupid decrepit old dragon bother him on his adventure! Or, so he told himself as he grew short of breath and had to run faster and faster through the forest to get into the thicker part and avoid certain doom. All a day in the life of Jake English, certainly!

“Jake, I can run too! I'm not hurt! I just fell and rolled, that's really it!”

“No time for that, old pal! I've got you!”

John tapped at his back, “Jake I can-”

“Save your breath!” So he could save his and not be obligated to waste it on speaking when they were in such a-

Jake was tossed forward into a nearby mud pile. He rolled and knocked against a fallen tree. John landed in a rather ungainly heap near him. This was the end. He moved over John, then turned about, raising his gun up in preparation to shoot that nasty dragon!

The dragon was a speck in the distance, spiraling off into the sky.

“I say! He must have realized it was no time to fight with an English and fled to save himself!”

“Yeah. That must be it Jake. That sure was brave of you, tripping and scaring the dragon off. He must be afraid of mud.”

Jake puffed up and futilely brushed himself off, then turned to face John, reaching a hand down to help his friend up. “Yes, I suppose it was. But don't worry, I'm sure if you were in a position to be a hero and save me, not that you ever would be with me since I don't need saved in the worst of positions, that you'd do that same.” He pulled at his collar.

John just laughed and took Jake's offered hand.

What a good fellow John was, always in good humor even after a near death experience! Jake couldn't help but join in as well, laughing away the tension and just enjoying their time being not-dead.

“Jake, you're pretty filthy!”

A quick glance down confirmed that yes, he was. “You are too!”

More John laughter and Jake couldn't help but grin when the other clapped a hand on his shoulder. “That's ok. We can just get back to your house and get cleaned off! But I guess the adventure's over now?”

“Over? Has the sun set? Are we dead yet? No! Ending an adventure prematurely is at the very bottom of the list of things I want to do! That is, er,” he pulled on his collar, “unless you'd like to end it, good chum. If you don't think you can handle any more excitement, just say the word and-”

John leaned against him and pressed a finger to his lips, “Shh! Don't be silly! I just didn't think you'd want to adventure when we're both filthy!”

Jake pulled from the finger and nodded, “Nonsense! What do you think adventuring is about? At least half of the friggin fun is in getting filthy beyond recognition!”

“Well ok, but I don't really see how getting that filthy is any fun.”

“Oh, trust me! I'll show you!”

~~--~~

He was cleaning the barrel of his trusty gun. The process was more than calming and quite reflexive. He didn't need to even look and he could get along cleaning it just fine. He had to know how to do this backwards and forwards, because you couldn't let it get clogged up or you might be in a right mess later if some monster came at you with more than a good clean bout of fisticuffs on the mind!

John sighed. “Jake. Jake, we're in a cave and I can't see well at all down here. I wish we hadn't dropped that flashlight”

“We?” He heard a loud exhale and rolled his eyes. John could pout all he wanted. It wasn't like Jake had dropped the flashlight and smashed it on a rock. Actually, Jake probably couldn't have made it work out so horribly wrong if he had tried, so John was actually pretty skilled in that sense.

“Why aren't we leaving now?”

“Because we're in a cave and the adventure isn't over yet!”

“Jaaaaaaaake. I don't think you know how to get out of here.”

“Balderdash! Of course I know how to get out of here! I've been in this exact cave hundred of times, John! You should really learn to trust me. I just need to clean my gun and then I can lead us out of here!” He was one hundred percent explorer and he could do this. Soon.

“Mmmhm. Alright, so which way is out.”

Jake swallowed. “Well, it's the way we came in from, of course.”

“And which way is that?”

“Out.”

“And?”

“John, stop for a moment, I think I hear something.”

“Come on, Jake, you don't hear anything! You're just as lost as--”

Jake swallowed hard, and moved towards John's voice, then clapped a hand where he was pretty certain John's mouth was. It wasn't the mouth, but the neck.

John stepped back. “Hey! What was--”

“John be quiet for one gosh darn second!”

Rocks scattered. Something moved nearby. By Jake's estimation, it was a very large something.

Jake took hold of John's hand and pulled him along. He leaned his body against John's and whispered into the coil of his friend's ear, “John, be silent.”

He didn't know if the shaking was a nod, but there was no more talking. Good. They would be quiet and both leave without disturbing anything in the cave that they couldn't even see.

There was more heavy breathing. A deep inhale sucked strands of Jake's hair back, then blew it back towards his face, tickling along the shell of his ear. The breath smelled stale and bloody. Jake swallowed slowly. Careful steps and they could get out of the cave without being eaten by whatever it was that was breathing like that.

Except it was most definitely following them. There was no mistaking the direction the rocks were rolling and he couldn’t deny that the breathing was getting closer to them.

John pulled from his grasp and Jake could feel another breath but this time it wasn't a dead smelling wind. Was it a breath? He'd heard a slight gasp from John but... Jake shook his head and reached for John's hand in the darkness“John? What are you doing? We have to get out of here before--”

Something humongous slammed hard against a nearby cave wall. Jake heard stalactites crash down to the floor and a terrible sounding scream sounded around the caverns, echoing and reverberating and magnifying in Jake's ears.

There was a crack of light in the ceiling of the cave from where the rocks had fallen in. He could see John with an intense look of concentration on his face, eyes focused on what was in front of his hands.

Jake turned his head just enough to take in the sight of the giant spider. Giant, huge, definitely not arousing and female in form, spider. Well, perhaps it was a female, but it was definitely terrifying and not erotic in any sense of the word!

It was screeching and prying itself from the wall, though stalactites and stalagmites impaled it from above and below. Blue slime trailed under the creeping spider.

Jake blinked. John was just staring, like in a trance. Well that wouldn't do! Jake had to take action! He raised his gun up and fired a whole clip of shots at the large arachnids skull-like face.

Alas, this did not work. It only seemed to make the beast more enraged. Despite several crushed legs, it moved faster towards them, dragging itself along and opening its spider jaw wide.

There was no way this was going to end well if he didn't hurry and reload bullets into his trusty gun. He had to make sure that John and his silly obviously terrified staring into space didn't make one or both of them die.

Another gust of wind knocked him back. He hit the wall hard and groaned, sliding down and raising a hand to his head. Moist. Wet. He was bleeding quite nicely. How unfortuitous! But he had time from to reload his gun and--

The spider twitched, then its great hairy legs flopped out at broken angles. A giant stalactite jutted through its abdomen and held it to the cave floor.

He had absolutely no idea how anything had gone down in such a spectacularly convenient manner. It must have been some terrible drafts in the cave that had managed to cause such damage. But no matter! All was well. Jake slowly pushed himself to his feet, then moved right to John who still looked like he was in a daze. He clapped John on the back, “You'll have to learn to handle danger better than that if you're going to adventure with me, John! But don't worry, I won't hold your inability to fight against you.”

John sighed and shook his head. “You're so...”

“What?”

“So silly. Let's go now.”

“Right. Of course! And see look, the entrance is right over there, just like I said.”

“Uh huh, ok.” John pushed against Jake, nudging at him with his shoulders. “Sure was brave of you, shooting that spider and everything. You must have a lot of practice with guns and stuff.”

“Oh hah yes, I certainly do! In fact, you could say I have a rather strong affinity for them. Their long sleek barrels, and their perfect shape, and the power that they have all within a tiny case. It's quite,” he pulled at his filthy collar, “enticing.”

John grinned. “Guns are enticing? I don't see the appeal. I'm good with my own ways of fighting I guess. But maybe you could show me later?”

“Your own ways of fighting? I haven't seen you fight at all, but I suppose you just were quite surprised by all of the adventure that you wouldn't normally face in your own life!”

“Yeah, that must be it. You sure have me pegged. Heh heh!”

What a good-natured fellow, laughing even when they'd just faced down and come out safe and (mostly) unharmed by two of the most dangerous of beasts that Jake faced on a near daily basis. “We're going to be right good chums, I just know it.” He slapped John on the back again and pulled him in closer.

~~--~~

Well, he didn't fancy his ablutions as much as Dirk seemed to, but after a good long sweaty adventure with lots of near-death moments and heavy suspense and tension it was something he enjoyed quite a bit! Especially when he was just quite ever so filthy. He could just enjoy the sensation of the dirty water sliding down his body and--

What was that? Was that a gunshot?

“John?”

“It's nothing!”

“John!”

“I've got it under control! Just finish your shower!”

Jake was not about to fall for a trick like that. John had most certainly done something. He stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel-- John had used the only towel that was clean and available. No matter, they were both men! And right then Jake didn't have time for such nonsense as etiquette and pleasantries. John had clearly done something that warranted his immediate and full attention. Jake was a man and he barged into his bedroom like one!

John was holding the gun Jake had heard and looking very guilty. That was a most deviously, yet innocent, guilty expression plastered right over his face!

Jake narrowed his eyes on his friend and moved his gaze from the quite literally and not just metaphorically smoking gun to the hole in the wall where-- Egads! No! “Neytiri!” He rushed to his Avatar poster where the right eye had been shot out of his beautiful cerulean babe alien-girlfriend. What a cruel and twisted fate this was indeed!

He looked back to his friend, then at the barrel of the gun. “Set that down, would you?” Calm. Collected. He was not going to shout at John.

“I'm really really sorry Jake! I didn't mean to shoot it! I thought it would have, I don't know, a safety on it! Or at the very least, that it wouldn't be loaded! I can't believe this actually shot and all I did was push my finger on the trigger just a little like--”

“Don't! Oh do watch where you're aiming, won't you?” So maybe there was a bit of a snap to his voice. John was being ever so clumsy and it was frigging awful!

Another hole, another cerulean babe desecrated. The world was a cruel place indeed. Jake's shoulders slumped and he took a step towards John. “John, aim it to the floor, then carefully set it down.”

“Oh god, I'm really, really sorry! I didn't mean to do that! Gosh, I'm so terrible at this! You must think I’m the worst friend ever and oh wow- you're not wearing a towel.” And there was a blush and evasive looks over at unmarred movie posters. John crouched and carefully set the gun down as instructed.

“No, I'm not going to hold a bit of nonsense like this against you. It's not a pleasant situation, indeed, but I couldn't blame you entirely. You just haven't been exposed to guns like mine before! I'll give you a lesson in handling them soon enough, alright?” Things could be fixed. He maybe wouldn't have everything how he liked, but John clearly needed a good lesson in shooting guns and dealing with firearms! Jake English was just the kind of guy to give that lesson!

John swallowed, a little lump going down quite clearly and audibly in his pale throat. “Mmhm. You're uh, you're probably right.”

“Of course I am. I know these things. Guns aren't toys, no matter how easy I make it look!”

Another sigh from John. Ah. He was probably being terribly harsh on his friend. Yes, John had destroyed a bit of his wall and, more importantly, shot two of his favorite cerulean babes, but it wasn't like he'd done it on purpose. There was no spite or anger in John, as far as Jake could tell. He carefully unloaded the bullets from his gun and then moved over to his buddy to pat him on the shoulder. “What were you doing at any rate?”

“I wanted to see what got you so excited about guns. I mean, there's got to be something about them that made your eyes go all narrow and squinty and made you sweat and stuff. I mean, you have huge piles of them everywhere, so there's got to be something in it that makes you like them. But uh, maybe you could explain it after you finish your shower and get dressed?”

“I certainly could! I'd be happy to show you, as long as you'll give me a promise and your word that you won't manhandle my guns while I'm finishing up in the shower. Is that a deal, or is it a deal?”

John nodded.

Jake pulled his hand from John's shoulder, spit in the palm, and put it out. “Shake!”

“Uh... alright.”

Jake clasped John's hand firmly and snapped them both up and down rather rapidly, before pulling his hand back and breaking the trail of spit between the hands. “Jolly good! Then I'm off to finish with my ablutions! You just look at the posters or something else similarly amusing that strikes your fancy and doesn't involve my guns, and we'll figure out the rest after!”

~~--~~

Jake wasn't entirely certain how he'd gotten to this point.

He certainly wasn't one to think too hard, but it really was something he needed to understand.

Well, perhaps it had been caused by all of the tension and suspense and heroics he'd engaged in with John against the monsters of the island. Surely John had been wooed by how bold and daring he was. Yes, that was most certainly the start of it. Guns had probably also contributed to this. After all, if John hadn't seen him using a gun so skillfully with the spider, he might not have wanted to learn more about guns.

But that still didn't really fully and completely explain how this had worked out how it had. One didn't get from point A to point Gay in two seconds flat! That simply wasn't how homosexuality worked, or so he'd assume. He hadn't really ever thought about it!

Jake reached to pull at his collar, only to find that with no shirt on, that was a difficult feat to do indeed. He snorted.

John rolled into him and flopped an arm over his chest.

Another humiliating blush rose to his tan face and he swallowed thick. Even if John wasn't awake to see his embarrassment, it was enough that everything had happened to make him embarrassed anyway.

What sort of terrible friend didn't read the signs that they were seducing their friend? He certainly didn't deserve to have John as a friend.

He'd clearly done this. He'd done this to John. For all of his love for the novel and for adventures, he'd pushed the situation too far and acted on urges he'd really had no right to act on, even if it was probably only because this was the first contact with a person his age and with his common interests in... forever? Pretty much that was exactly how friggin long it had been. Forever.

Could anyone blame a strong, adventurous young man who had a knack for the novel and for the physical when faced with a mischievous, naïve, young man his own age who was stroking the barrel of a gun in such an unintentionally seductive manner?

The way John's hand had carefully run along the cold steel barrel and down to the magazine where his fingers and thumb grasped lightly at it had just sent shivers down Jake's newly washed body.

John had shook hands and promised that he wouldn't touch the guns.

Correction. John had shook to say he wouldn't manhandle the guns. John informed him he was simply feeling the gun to see how it was in his hands. This was only done to get comfortable with handling of firearms. It was ok, right, because it was the one that Jake had emptied of all of its bullets in the, it was called a magazine right? Was John right?

John had been right and Jake hadn't known how to reply other than by rubbing hard at the side of his neck while he stood in only a towel. He’d felt quite a bit less exposed while completely naked, given the circumstances and how John had just stroked that gun.

Really it was hardly his fault! John had just kept rubbing like a coy mistress of the night with those smooth hands running along an even smoother barrel and John had employed the most treacherous smile! An inviting, open smile. Like he didn't know what he'd done.

John honestly probably had no friggin clue just what he'd done. No friggin clue, and that? That was maddening. That was maybe the worst.

For all of Jake's knowledge on how to fight and how to engage in fisticuffs and teach rapscallions a lesson, he'd been unable to resist the charm of a simple gun stroking.

His length had risen to the occasion and it wasn't long before John noticed.

How embarrassed Jake had become at that, but John hadn't looked away. John stood, gun in hand, and pressed the sight under Jake's chin, forcing Jake to incline his head back and regard John from underneath the lenses of his glasses. He'd been forced to back into the wall.

John had just smiled at him, like it was just a game. And it probably was. It probably, definitely, was to the other teen. John thanked him for saving him, saying it really must have been Jake’s skilled use of the gun that had saved them, so he'd really like to learn how to use one, post haste.

Then John had turned the gun about in his hands and pressed it to Jake's chest. “Show me,” he'd said in that soft little voice.

Jake had lost it right there. He'd lost it and he'd kissed John and there was no right, no excuse for his tomfoolery.

But he'd done it, and it had been exquisite. The more he'd kissed, the hotter it got, until he had felt like he was trapped in the ablution chamber, it was that steamy in there. His own glasses had fogged up in the most inconvenient and dreadful manner. He then pushed John-- actually pushed his friend!-- into a pile of guns he'd placed on the floor. It was just a happy chance that none of them had gone off!

To take a gamble with their safety in the confines of his room, while they had wrestled about in the pile of firearms had been a huge turn on. It wasn't comfortable, but what man couldn't take discomfort for the sake of a whole lucky streak of pleasure?

It didn't take much movement to have his towel wrenched from his body and tossed aside where it slapped down onto another pile of guns.

Then John was on him, writhing and gyrating and Jake didn't know what to make of it.

It was, in a roundabout way he didn't want to consider, his best friend Jane's poppop. It was his best friend’s grandfather. If that didn't make it worse on top of them both being males, he didn't know what did. It was terribly taboo!

He had been more excited than he'd been in his entire life. So what had he done?

Of course he did the only logical thing he could do. He'd taken that unloaded gun and pressed the sight right to the bottom of John's chin. That soft little gasp had only encouraged him to sit up among the other guns and press the sight down along the pulse point on John's neck.

John's legs had squeezed tighter around his waist, tighter and tighter the lower the the gun's tip moved along John's body.

It had been so amazing. Just that feeling that even without bullets in this particular gun, he could have John just as he wanted with no fight, no complaints. He could just be a man and John wouldn't fight with that.

He wasn't even sure how it had gotten beyond that. John was clueless and so was he, to be quite honest and downright frank. But when putting things in dry hadn't succeeded, he'd simply pulled out the “gun oil” lubrication that Dirk had sent him months before as some no doubt hilariously ironic gift.

Jake had silently thanked Dirk again and again when the lubrication allowed him to enter John much easier. A few fingers, some thrusting, and he'd gotten the hang of it quick enough! More oil, and he'd just pressed right in and John had just taken all of him like he'd been wanting that for the longest time.

There was no way John had though. That wasn't something real men longed for, and negligible fighting skills aside, John seemed to be a real man. No, the things they had done were those sorts of things that just consumed you one day when you were in the mood for the taboo.

Taboo or not taboo though, John had gotten off like a shot. Jake didn't mind. He wasn't long behind. For all of his talents, he didn't realize that holding off wasn't one of them. But no one paid attention to that. John had been too busy panting and moaning and just laying there so sweet and openly innocent, despite the many levels of sheer and total debauchery he’d suffered at Jake’s large hands. Jake had been too busy admiring the way John looked when he was sweaty and slick with oil, sweat, and their carnal bodily fluids to care about his own wrong part in things.

It wasn't long after that when Jake found out that John was also quick to sleep. One moment Jake was apologizing to John for his terrible actions while John rested his head on Jake's arm, the next moment Jake turned his head and found that John's eyes were shut and there was a blissful smile featured prominently on his lips.

So that was it.

Adventures, showers, guns, gun oil (he'd get back at Dirk, or thank him, or something!), virginal sex where they both shot off too fast, and sleep. Well, that last one only seemed to apply to John. He was still sleeping, calmly slumbering despite all the inner turmoil rolling about in Jake's own stomach and mind.

Jake tilted his head towards John.

Another flop and John had his limbs all sprawled out on the bed, like he was a pumpkin just taking root on the bed. Well, perhaps that wasn't an appropriate metaphor, but Jake didn't have time to jump through mental hoops to come up with an original and witty metaphor! Or was it a metaphor? Jane would have the answer, but he wasn't about to ask her. Then she'd just get nosy and bookish at him and she'd figure out what he'd done and...

Someone was pestering him, he could just hear the continual bleep of their messages. Dammit! What was it? Didn't they know he was in post-coital confusion merged with a hefty dose of hormonal bliss? Couldn't he just lay back and enjoy the gunpowder, sweat, and oil from... alright, thinking of it in those terms made him slightly less likely to stay in bed and ignore whoever was pestering him. But they needed to have a gosh damn good reason to be pestering him out of his warm bed and away from John!

Actually, that was not quite true. He didn't have to go anywhere. Why, he just had to take his laptop out and-- there he was. Ah. Dirk. Well, he could thank Dirk then for certain gifts he wouldn't name. Yes, that would work.

Oh, but it seemed Dirk beat him to the punch and was telling him he had something very important to tell Jake. Life changing, possibly, or was that Dirk just labeling it that way in an ironic maneuver? He never could quite tell. But well, if that didn't beat all, Dirk really was being round and about because of whatever it was! It clearly had Dirk all twisted and confused, because Jake was still almost certain it wasn't the auto-responder, and yet Dirk was acting... most strange. Jake grinned and leaned back in the bed. If his trusted friend had something important to say, he certainly wouldn't deny Dirk the chance to speak first. He just kept on trying to pry it out of the other.

Of course they'd always be friend no matter what. Why would Dirk think anything he said could change that?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my best friend forever!   
> I might make another story with Dirk and Jake, but I haven't decided.


End file.
